This morning, a skunk blew up on our deck. Partly because Karen shot it, and partly because it didn’t like being shot. She squeezed off about eight rounds into it and it died pretty quickly, but not before squeezing off a round of it’s own.
If you have never been less than 10 feet away from a skunk when it goes off, consider yourself extremely lucky because it is the worst smell in the history of smells. You know how when you are driving down the road and there is a skunk that has been run over and you smell that skunk smell? Well, up close it’s a whole different ballgame. The smell in it’s concentrated form doesn’t even resemble the dead road skunk smell. It’s a smell so ridiculously bad, that a tiny little whiff of it and you start gagging uncontrollably. If you breath through your mouth, you actually taste it. And it doesn’t taste good. At all.
And I didn’t know this until today, but the smell doesn’t just go away because the spray that causes it is actually an oil that just stays there and stinks for a long, long, long time. I looked up a few ways to get rid of the smell and everything I read basically said, “You are screwed.” The best weapon that might somewhat dilute the smell turns out to be vinegar or hydrogen peroxide. I went the vinegar route and, by the way, I used to think vinegar was the foulest smell on this planet but now I welcome the smell of it over the smell of concentrated skunk juice. In fact, I have been holding vinegar under my nose for the last two hours thinking, man this is great.
So anyway, our entire house smells like skunk. The deck REALLY smells like skunk, although somewhat less powerfull since I gave it a vinegar bath.
Oh, and another thing. The skunk oil is green, I swear to God. You know how in cartoons, skunk spray is illustrated by a green cloud? Totally freaking true.
So anyway, if you read my previous post, you know that I was savagely attacked by a skunk a few days ago. I believe this was the same skunk. And am I any less secure in my manhood knowing that Karen was the one that avenged my attack and shot the skunk? No I am not. After all, I held the door open for her while she unloaded on it, which turned out to be a bad idea because, as I mentioned earlier, the house reeks now, but the point is, she is a better shot than I am. Crap, I am just digging myself in deeper here. Although I did run outside and scoop it up with a shovel and bury it in a hole I had pre-dug just for this occassion. I was gagging the whole time, though.
Take it from me, if you ever come face to face with a skunk, just give it what it wants and back away slowly.
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